The other night, we were celebrating the recent graduation of one of our friends and as usual, an interesting conversation was sparked as we began discussing his future plans. With his whole life ahead of him, fresh vision for what the future could hold and the excitement of a new career on the horizons, naturally the life questions started coming up in conversation. Any lovely ladies on the horizon? Thinking about dating anytime soon? The typical, fun questions we love to ask. But then the table got turned from us being the interviews to the interviewees. How did you guys meet? When did you know it was the right time to start dating? Great question, as that was a question I often asked myself before I met my husband. The conversation was so good and as I reflected back on the questions we answered, I had to share with you all.
So for all of you out there who want to start dating, here is a run down of some things we learned about ourselves before we started dating and when we knew it was time to pursue a relationship.
I’ve managed to go through all three of these circumstances. The first guy I seriously dated was the right guy. However, I had just graduated high school and had started a very rigorous college and he was 3,000 miles away on the other side of the nation. The timing was off. I was still very immature, I still discovering who I was and what I wanted in life. On top of that, I grew up a product of divorce and had to honestly work on myself.
The second dating circumstance is the wrong guy at the right time. I had made it through college alive, I had my first what I like to affectionately call my “big girl job” and started my career with a bang. I had gone through many healing groups and mentorships at my church to work out my lack of trust in others, life fears and understanding my personal identity. I knew in my heart that I was ready for marriage. However, the man I was dating at the time was not the right one. God knew it and I eventually came to that same conclusion as well. I will openly admit it did take me a while to realize it though. It was hard letting go of the amount of time and energy we both poured into the relationship.
During my time diving into the Bible and letting God work on me like I was a pile of clay, I had grown into a completely different person. I was at peace with myself (which I’ll get into later) and at the same time, a man who I had been friends with, began to win my heart. He was the right guy at the right time. Fast forward one year and we were married.
2. What does God say? Yes, no or wait?
This doesn’t have to be some spooky, spiritual journey. There isn’t some booming voice or a strike of lightening. God’s voice is in the quiet times of digging into the Bible and spending time with him in prayer and thankfulness. God speaks through scripture very clearly. All of the sudden, a verse with pop out at you and you know, with a feeling of peace, that scripture was meant for you. I encourage you to spend a little time seeking wise counsel through the Bible. God will say one of three things through scripture and it will be very clear the route you need to take. Yes and no are easy to understand. However, wait is an interesting one and I have heard this one more times than I wanted. God will either tell you to wait through a story in the Bible or a scripture. Other times there will be complete silence and often that silence also means wait. But don’t feel disheartened if He is quiet. He’s still working on you like clay, sharpening you like iron, and shaping your character and purpose.
3. Are you happy with you? Do you love being single?
This isn’t so Biblical but rather a character defining moment. Are you happy with you? Think of that question with honesty. Do you have peaceful contentedness with being single?
There was a funny moment when close friend and I realized this moment at the same time. We were standing in my hallway at 2am in the morning in deep conversation. I had felt the happiest I had ever been in my life. I had deep friendships and an amazing job I was passionate about. Sure there were one or two things that could be better but I was so happy and thankful for the direction my life was going. I didn’t have that feeling of void that had haunted me in the past.
I voiced in that moment everything I felt. “I love being single”. My friend whole-heartedly agreed. “Yes, it feels really, really good to be single”. Neither one of us had ever imagined that this would be such a welcome and freeing conversation, especially as I was nearing the bend to being 30. But how does the saying go? When man makes plans, God chuckles. It wasn’t two weeks later that we both went on our first date with our now husbands.
I’m not saying that these are the only ways to tell if you’re ready to date. These are just observations that my husband and I both experienced on our own and have seen other couples experience as well. Nor am I claiming that these are the magic solution to finding that special someone. I do however, believe that if you are content with where your life is, you are confident with who God has created you to be and are following the direction God has planned for you, you exude alluring beauty and confidence that no one can deny. And well, that might just catch the attention of that special someone. 😉