With the business of balancing work, family, and other additional commitments, you need to make your marriage a priority through connection and consistency. Whether you ask one or all of these questions, once a week or once a month, it’s healthy to put some time aside for your relationship and check in with each other. Also, remember that this is coming from a place of vulnerability. Treat each other with respect and avoid the blame game at all costs.
Do you feel loved?
This is a great question to get the conversation started. If you do feel loved, what are things your spouse did to make you feel that way? If you don’t, what can your spouse do to make you feel loved?
Do you feel respected?
The word “love” is easy to associate with marriage. The word “respect” is just as important but easily forgotten, especially in the heat of disagreements and busy schedules. Asking this question allows you both to slow down and keep respect at the forefront when it comes to priorities in your marriage.
Do you feel listened to?
The good news is, if you’re asking this question, you’re already on the right track to listening to each other! However, this is not only a great gauge to make sure you are both being heard, it’s also a great opportunity to hear what kind of communication works with each other and what kind doesn’t. Maybe you both need less screen time and more we time, maybe you need to get more frequent date nights on the books, or it could even be how each of you engage and respond to each other in tougher conversations.
Do you feel validated?
Validation is very different than love. Think of validation this way: do you feel approved of or disapproved of? The independent me does not believe in who approves and disapproves of me. But the human and vulnerable side of me is well aware of who validated me in my life. If the decisions you make and the actions you act on make you feel disapproved of, distance and loathing will take place in your marriage. But if you or your spouse feel validated, a build up in trust and support will result in your marriage.
Do you feel sexually fulfilled?
Keeping this as an open conversation will make sure this becomes a top priority in your relationship and you are both fulfilled. Don’t let this “drop off the radar”!
How was your day/week?
This might seem like a no brainer question to ask, but sometimes we can get busy with kids, work, and life. A simple “how was your day” or “how was your week” can crack open the door to what’s really happening in each other’s lives.
Is there anything I can help with this week?
This opens up the opportunity for if either one of you is feeling stressed, over burdened, and under supported. It’s also a great way to commend each other for the work that you have been doing around the house, when otherwise it would go unseen and unrecognized.
Is there anything I can do better this week?
Be careful to not make this a rant fest! Constructive criticism, when coming from a place of love, can be very powerful in your relationship. If you are anything like my husband and I, you think, act, speak, and receive differently. Couples don’t always understand each other so this straight-to-the-point question doesn’t beat around the bush and will give you great feedback on how to improve your relationship weekly. But let’s not forget, the most important thing about this question is that YOU are asking this question because you WANT to make changes to improve your relationship.